So, do you ever get that feeling that you are just not good enough? And you never will be? Like every time you turn around you're hurting someone you love?
I'm having that feeling today.
I am not perfect. Obviously. I really wish I was. Or that I was closer to perfection than I am. Really, I wonder why I do some of the things I do, and I have no answer, even for myself. I'm really having one of those "I'll never be good enough" days. (And I know what you're thinking flee, but I am, and I can't do anything about it. I just really have to get this off my chest.)
I've hurt people before. I know I have. But not quite in the way I have recently. (I'd rather not say exactly what happened) I have no way of really saying sorry enough to these people that I've hurt. It just wouldn't seem adequate enough. And besides, saying sorry isn't going to change what I've done. I don't know why I did it. really. It's very much not like me- not like I was raised. I am really having issues with this whole bi-polar thing lately. I know I can't blame my mistakes on that, and I'm not trying to, but it really has thrown a wrench into my life. I just can't seem to get back to myself- the myself that I used to be, once upon a time. The myself that wouldn't have even dreamed of doing some of the things I've done. And right now, it's not looking like I'll ever get back to that self.
I'm really not having a good day- if you couldn't tell. I usually try to be optimistic, but I can't seem to find that in me today. So, I'll be done soon, let me just say this: To those who I have hurt- you know who you are. I really am so so sorry. Words cannot express what I'm feeling. I beg for your forgiveness, even though I know I don't deserve it, and ask you to pray for me. Pray that I will- someday- pull it together and get back to 'myself' again.
I love you.
The rest of 2016
4 years ago
5 peeps decided to say stuff:
Sweetie,
Things could always be worse.. We all have things we regret, we all hurt people, we all wish there were things we hadn't done. That is part of life just try to do better next time. And do whatever you can restore good feelings. Repentance is always an option so go see your Bishop to see of hi knows what may help. Get help from family and friends. Know you are loved
OH Michelle! You are so sweet. You cannot blame yourself. You are in fact HUMAN! You are the sweetest person and those who wont forgive you dont know who you are.
I hope you don't think you offened me at all. Because you haven't and if you do I just gargh at seth and then I feel better by the end of the night.
Just to let you know you cannot be worse than some other peeps. Michelle I will pray for you. I will pray that you will see why and how things came to be. Things happen sometimes for the best. We love you.
Sorry If I didnt talk to you that much today. I wasnt really feeling very good. My shoulder was really buggin and I was trying really hard to keep it together by pretending it didnt.
SO hugs and prayers are for you. I will try to write some fun and optimistic things on my blog just for you.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time lately. :( I hope you feel better soon. *HUGS*
Chelle, you know we all love you, and that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Only Satan wants you to feel that way. I know Heavenly Father will help you to find your way out of whatever is wrong. He loves you, and we love you!
Lub lubs x 20!! :) This too shall pass, even when you don't think it will. Give me a call some time!
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